Marriage is not what you think

Marriage is not necessarily the answer for what we seek, at least the way people usually think of it. There’s much evidence that speaks to the contrary. The objectification of technology and the Western lifestyle creates a world where our interactions are generally on the surface and self-serving. The answer for intimacy and vulnerability is then solved in the institution of marriage. However this “solution” puts pressure on both to be the other’s everything. It’s a lot to take on for any one person. Therefore, the failings of marriage are not due to a lack of maturity and a propensity for narcissism but to the lack of structure in our culture to empower and affirm each other.

Marriage is only successful when we, as individuals are fully realized; to be happy, we have to be vulnerable to more than just our spouse. We need structured events that open us up and reveal our true nature and joy. When done with others, we’re not only empowered (like winning a race) but grounded in gratitude.

There’s greatness in all of our relationships. People who have faced great events in life together find this to be true. For example, people who helped their friend’s give birth to their children, or have taken on great adventures, or faced their fears together, celebrate the magnificence of life and feel a great connection. This is where balance and empowerment are born in our identity.

So make friends, and with passion, face the unknown courageously…together. You then have extraordinary experiences with with those you think are extraordinary people. This raises your game, your view of life and yourself.

How much more of an impact can you make when you bring this back to your life partner rather than a technological life of mediocrity? So live a fully-realized life and give your partner a break. You can be honest, loving, transparent, and respectful with many people and still have a great partnership. In fact, you’ll have a fantastic partnership because you will be living a fantastic life.

I began coaching people in 1996 for an international non-profit organization. Previously, I worked as a mechanical engineer and physics teacher but found through my work in the non-profit, I was much more passionate about empowering people. So I decided to make coaching my occupation. My education includes: a bachelors of science in mechanical engineering from Oregon Institute of Technology, A master in education from Portland State University, counselor training through GSM International, three years of living curriculum and coach training through Landmark Education, and coach training through The Tony Robbins Institute.